I have had my kids do a lot of free writing lately. They hate it. But I think it’s a great way for me to gauge their abilities and for them to tell me what they want me to know. In an effort to try and convince them, I explain that free writing is good for you.
My turn.
It is Wednesday of my second full week of school, and as I sit in my classroom during 5th period planning, (with the lights off) I can honestly say that this is the first day I have actually done something productive with this free time. My day is split up relatively well. I never go more than 2 periods without a break of some kind. But for some reason, by the time 5th period gets here, all I usually want to do is SLEEP. I find myself just staring out the window most days. Unfortunately for me, my 6th and final period of the day has some of the worst attitudes in the 7th grade. Not only do I lack the patience to deal with them by that point, but I am not even close to being mentally present enough to stay on top of every management problem that that joyful bunch of kids brings.
I understand that it is the end of the day for them too. I understand that the last thing they want to do from 2:05-3:00 is learn grammar. But to be totally honest, one of the last things I want to do from 2:05-3:00 is teach grammar - especially to a group of kids as disinterested as these.
What they fail to understand is that I’m willing to put on a happy face anyway. Sometimes I wish they saw that. It is way more exhausting to be a teacher than a student. Can’t they just appreciate my effort and be quiet, respectful little 7th graders?? Ha! I know that is ridiculous. But one thing I have already taken from this teaching experience is that I severely under-appreciated my teachers. I’m saying that, and I was one of the good kids! I remember thinking that teachers had it easy. I remember thinking that all they had to do was tell us what to do and then just relax. What I didn’t realize was that, more than likely, 80% of their conscious hours were spent thinking about school, worrying about school, dreading school, looking forward to school, planning for school, grading papers for school... you see the theme.
This is easily the most time-consuming thing I have ever done. But I’ve said that before. Today at lunch, unsolicited, a few of my kids decided to tell me what the general consensus was about Ms. Buccilla. They said that most kids either think that I’m mean (good!) or that I’m really nice (not sure how I should feel about that). They said that the ones who think I’m mean are the ones who act up all the time... duh. I just kind of sat and listened. But the conversation got me thinking. I work extremely hard every day to put out a specific product. That product includes me, my appearance, my attitude, the content that I teach, and the way I teach it. That product is the calculated result of an effort to make material fun and engaging, beneficial and structured. What I realized though, was that no matter how much effort, how much preparation and thought I put in, the kids are still going to think what they think, and learn what they learn. I can’t force kids to like me, respect me, or even learn everything from me. But I can try.
Besides time-consuming, I came up with a few more adjectives for my experience:
brutal educational (for me)
arduous educational (for them)
demanding illuminating
edifying rare
inspiring uncharted
uplifting
exhausting
impossible
possible
