So far this year I've been preaching to myself that I need to work harder at drawing soft lines with my difficult students. Last year I unwittingly escalated countless situations because I thought it was important for me to appear strong, unwavering, authoritative. Needless to say, some kids just don't respond to that. Some kids have personalities just as strong as mine, and consequently we found ourselves engaged in a never-ending battle of "who will have the last word?" While I was afraid of revealing myself as a weak first year teacher in front of students who were waiting to pounce at the first sign of vulnerability, my middle schoolers seemed equally as motivated to save face. I've gotten a lot better at diffusing these situations. In fact I generally have a much healthier and mutually respectful relationship with even my most difficult students... but today I found myself reluctantly wading back into hostile waters, and I had to resist my urge to revert back to the old Miss B.
As I walked into 6th period, the last academic period of the day, I found students leaning into the aisles, laughing with their neighbors, and completely disregarding the Bellringer I had on the board. I folded my arms, leaned against the door frame, and dropped my jaw in faux-shock. This successfully produced some grins as the noise ceased and they took out their binders. To my extreme pleasure I even heard a "Shhh! We're sorry, Ms. B."
If only it were always that easy.
One student remained standing, showing no urgency to sit down, to open her binder, or to even acknowledge that I was present. Last year I would have immediately taken this as a personal attack. I would have assumed the class was ready to line up behind the lone rebel in an all out effort to overthrow the dictator. I would have called her out by name and firmly told her to sit down.
Today I simply said, "You have five minutes to finish the question on the board. I also need to see your journal entries and assignments from yesterday out on your desks."
The lone rebel still stood.
Still leaning against the door I said, "S, you don't need to stand to do any of those things."
After a grueling few seconds of silence, she nonchalantly glanced over her shoulder and gave a high pitched, "K!"
More seconds ticked by... she still stood and by this point all eyes were on me to see how I would react.
"S?" I said.
Again a few seconds... "Huh?"
She knows how I feel about "huh."
Forcing a smile, I asked her to come talk to me. She hadn't done anything overtly disrespectful and this was pretty out of character for her, so I witheld my impulse to let her have it. When we were mostly out of earshot, I mustered my calmest tone and asked her what was going on. She shrugged her shoulders, kicked out her hip, and looked at the ceiling. I told her she knew what she was doing, and regardless of what had motivated such behavior, she needed to tread lightly for the rest of class and we could talk about the root of the problem later.
She made it through class - a ghastly boring lesson on sentence structure that I honestly just hadn't put enough time into planning. She volunteered to go to the board, she didn't shout out, she seemed to really be understanding the content.
When it came time for me to explain their assignment for the day, I did the first part with them and then paused, asking them all to "give me their eyes." I told them I knew the assignment would initially seem difficult, but all they had to do was break it down into pieces they knew. They had to write a story where each sentence had a requirement. For example, begin with a complex sentence that contains an adverb clause. They knew each piece, now all they had to do was put the pieces together. I told them not to immediately raise their hand to say anything like, "This is too hard!" or "But I don't get it!" I promised them that if they thought through it for a minute it would click, and if it didn't, that was the point at which I would be more than happy to come help.
S's hand had been up the whole time I said this. When I was finished, I looked at her and nodded, indicating that she could ask her question.
"I don't get this," she said with a tone louder than was needed to reach me standing 5 feet away.
"What did I just say?"
"I don't know."
One of her classmates repeated it for her.
"So you ain't gonna help me?!"
"That's not what I said. I said sit and think about it, and if you do so, I think it will come together. You did a great job with it a few minutes ago... it's no different now."
She slumped in her chair, slammed down her pencil, and (I kid you not) stuck out her bottom lip.
Again... last year I would have confronted this immediately. Today I ignored it. I circulated the room for about 10 minutes and eventually made it back to her desk. Crouching down, I told her it was clear to me that she just wasn't trying. She barely responded. I trudged on telling her she could come to my room 7th period and I would gladly help her, but first I needed to see evidence of some effort on her paper.
When she showed up 7th period, the attitude was still present and she had nothing on her paper. After coaching her through the first sentence more than I probably should have, she was clearly ready to give up. The second sentence in the story was supposed to be a compound sentence - two independent clauses joined by the coordinating conjunction of her choice.
"Let's start with just one simple sentence," I said. "Who is your main character? Make him the subject."
Nothing.
"S, you gave me a half dozen simple sentences earlier. I know you can do this. I'm not going to give you the answers -- If you're not going to try, you're wasting our time."
Nothing.
At this point my blood was boiling. I scrambled for ways I could next approach her. I knew that if it went any further, I might actually lose my cool. I chose to wait her out.
Nothing.
"If you're not going to try, you can go back to Ms. K's class now."
She got up, gathered her belongings, and peacefully walked out of the room. She'll show up to class tomorrow without her homework finished and she'll most likely blame me. This is the first time I can say that I honestly don't know how I could have handled the situation differently... usually I can look back and see each of my missteps along the way. Maybe there's something going on outside of school that I can't control. I've tried drawing hard lines with students like her and today I drew a softer line than my best judgement said I should, but what am I supposed to do when neither works?
As I walked into 6th period, the last academic period of the day, I found students leaning into the aisles, laughing with their neighbors, and completely disregarding the Bellringer I had on the board. I folded my arms, leaned against the door frame, and dropped my jaw in faux-shock. This successfully produced some grins as the noise ceased and they took out their binders. To my extreme pleasure I even heard a "Shhh! We're sorry, Ms. B."
If only it were always that easy.
One student remained standing, showing no urgency to sit down, to open her binder, or to even acknowledge that I was present. Last year I would have immediately taken this as a personal attack. I would have assumed the class was ready to line up behind the lone rebel in an all out effort to overthrow the dictator. I would have called her out by name and firmly told her to sit down.
Today I simply said, "You have five minutes to finish the question on the board. I also need to see your journal entries and assignments from yesterday out on your desks."
The lone rebel still stood.
Still leaning against the door I said, "S, you don't need to stand to do any of those things."
After a grueling few seconds of silence, she nonchalantly glanced over her shoulder and gave a high pitched, "K!"
More seconds ticked by... she still stood and by this point all eyes were on me to see how I would react.
"S?" I said.
Again a few seconds... "Huh?"
She knows how I feel about "huh."
Forcing a smile, I asked her to come talk to me. She hadn't done anything overtly disrespectful and this was pretty out of character for her, so I witheld my impulse to let her have it. When we were mostly out of earshot, I mustered my calmest tone and asked her what was going on. She shrugged her shoulders, kicked out her hip, and looked at the ceiling. I told her she knew what she was doing, and regardless of what had motivated such behavior, she needed to tread lightly for the rest of class and we could talk about the root of the problem later.
She made it through class - a ghastly boring lesson on sentence structure that I honestly just hadn't put enough time into planning. She volunteered to go to the board, she didn't shout out, she seemed to really be understanding the content.
When it came time for me to explain their assignment for the day, I did the first part with them and then paused, asking them all to "give me their eyes." I told them I knew the assignment would initially seem difficult, but all they had to do was break it down into pieces they knew. They had to write a story where each sentence had a requirement. For example, begin with a complex sentence that contains an adverb clause. They knew each piece, now all they had to do was put the pieces together. I told them not to immediately raise their hand to say anything like, "This is too hard!" or "But I don't get it!" I promised them that if they thought through it for a minute it would click, and if it didn't, that was the point at which I would be more than happy to come help.
S's hand had been up the whole time I said this. When I was finished, I looked at her and nodded, indicating that she could ask her question.
"I don't get this," she said with a tone louder than was needed to reach me standing 5 feet away.
"What did I just say?"
"I don't know."
One of her classmates repeated it for her.
"So you ain't gonna help me?!"
"That's not what I said. I said sit and think about it, and if you do so, I think it will come together. You did a great job with it a few minutes ago... it's no different now."
She slumped in her chair, slammed down her pencil, and (I kid you not) stuck out her bottom lip.
Again... last year I would have confronted this immediately. Today I ignored it. I circulated the room for about 10 minutes and eventually made it back to her desk. Crouching down, I told her it was clear to me that she just wasn't trying. She barely responded. I trudged on telling her she could come to my room 7th period and I would gladly help her, but first I needed to see evidence of some effort on her paper.
When she showed up 7th period, the attitude was still present and she had nothing on her paper. After coaching her through the first sentence more than I probably should have, she was clearly ready to give up. The second sentence in the story was supposed to be a compound sentence - two independent clauses joined by the coordinating conjunction of her choice.
"Let's start with just one simple sentence," I said. "Who is your main character? Make him the subject."
Nothing.
"S, you gave me a half dozen simple sentences earlier. I know you can do this. I'm not going to give you the answers -- If you're not going to try, you're wasting our time."
Nothing.
At this point my blood was boiling. I scrambled for ways I could next approach her. I knew that if it went any further, I might actually lose my cool. I chose to wait her out.
Nothing.
"If you're not going to try, you can go back to Ms. K's class now."
She got up, gathered her belongings, and peacefully walked out of the room. She'll show up to class tomorrow without her homework finished and she'll most likely blame me. This is the first time I can say that I honestly don't know how I could have handled the situation differently... usually I can look back and see each of my missteps along the way. Maybe there's something going on outside of school that I can't control. I've tried drawing hard lines with students like her and today I drew a softer line than my best judgement said I should, but what am I supposed to do when neither works?
She came to see you 7th period. She could have avoided you altogether AND showed up without her homework the next day. Because you didn't lose your cool at the beginning of the period, she went to the board and did SOME work in class. Small steps.
ReplyDeleteAs for what you are supposed to do? Come back the next day ready to try again. Sometimes we all need a tomorrow.